My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
