i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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