fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
