is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
