Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
last night I used snow as a chaser
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
