Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Alive.
So much puke
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
