Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize