i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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