Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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