my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
