we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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