talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
