oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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