I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
