4 words: hood of his car
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
