I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize