My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
