Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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