what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
