Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
FUCK WHALES
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize