Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
