Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
organizing the empties. That sober.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
