I'm jealous of your bromance
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
