I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
