Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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