how can u be prego again
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
