girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
