I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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