so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
