I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
