This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
