I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
