Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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