Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
