Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
