Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
