pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
