Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
