And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
These tits shall not be calmed
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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