i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
