I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Randomize
