you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I will be naked everywhere
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize