hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I deserve this hangover.
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