Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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