It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
