Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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