Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
