She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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