so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize