I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
