you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
