well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
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