it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
