I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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