We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
