The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
