I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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