I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
