I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He had one of those small greek statue penises
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize