the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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