so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
