So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
