You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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