Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
