so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
