Dual....:-)
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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