Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
