the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
