I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
