Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
