i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
