I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize