Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
