i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
