booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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