I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
