Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize