Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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