It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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