Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
