sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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