Nicole vs. Life
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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