alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
