Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
