I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
