the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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