I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
