kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
