Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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