sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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