My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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