Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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