He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
my liver is dry heaving
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
