We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
