He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
