happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize