did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
