Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
