There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
