that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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