Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
