you mean i was at the winter classic?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
