At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
