i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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