If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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